All posts by Kiran Adithands

Ray Croc Can’t Believe His Own Company Is An Olympic Sponsor

raycroc

In a rare celebrity appearance, McDonald’s founder Ray Croc swung by the AgencySpy comments section to express both surprise and confusion that his company was allowed to sponsor this year’s Olympic Games.

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Perhaps forgetting that his company, McDonald’s, has been a sponsor of the Olympic Games for over 35 years, Croc hammered his point home in all caps, calling his own company a “FAST FOOD TYCOON” and saying that he can’t believe they’re being allowed to be a “SPONSOR OF WORLD-CLASS ATHLETIC EVENT [sic].”

The comment was posted in response to a spot by DDB Chicago that compares the tradition of Olympians biting their medals to regular people biting Chicken McNuggets.

You may remember Croc from being dead for the last 30 years.

Commenter Adds His Two Cents, Rambles Twice As Long As The Original Article

john@gmail.com
john@gmail.com

In a late breaking move that stunned the AgencySpy comments section, anonymous commenter “John@gmail.com” added his two cents on the recent Miami Ad School Bob Dylan Chrysler ad parody debacle — and went on twice as long as the article he was commenting on.

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Over the course of a sprawling 348 word rant, the two cents covered everything from The Big Bang Theory to patriotism to students who haven’t yet earned the right to make jokes about advertising yet.

The article he was responding to was 172 words, or about 1 cent.

Ad School Student Gets Told

Sad and Lonely

It’s a brutal Tuesday for one unlucky ad school student as he just totally got told.

After posting a parody of the Bob Dylan Chrysler ad which was picked up by AgencySpy, the ad school student, perhaps expecting accolades or maybe even just a few laughs, instead just got straight up told.

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The teller, Nigel, pointed out that the student had not yet “earned the right” to parody the work of “people actually working in the business.”

“Nigel said that about commercial parodies? Well, shit. I guess we’ll stop,” said SNL creator Lorne Michaels . “That sucks. People love our commercial parodies, but I don’t think our staff writers have earned that right yet”

“I think one of them worked at Ogilvy once,” he added. “Let me check with Seth.”

Commenter Spends More Time Thinking About Spot Than Creatives Did

We’re shaking off our our Super Bowl food comas to report on this late-breaking Monday gem: A commenter has now spent more time thinking and writing about a spot than the creatives who made it did.

The spot in question, a PSA featuring kids getting blown up on a beach for skipping school, was, according to co-creators Henry Inglis and Aaron McCann, “about contradicting standard advertisements” and “… a bit of a f*ck you to advertising in general.” But that didn’t stop Disqus user “shunga munga” from spending upwards of 4 minutes dissecting the spot in the AgencySpy comments section, a solid 2 minutes longer than the creators of the spot actually spent thinking about it themselves.

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“I was just like ‘Hey, wait a second. Where did those land mines come from?,” shunga munga said. “Then I started thinking about clams and sharks and figured I’d write a sentence about that, too.”

“Then I hit submit,” he added. “It was pretty cool.”

Inglis and McCann were unavailable for comment as they are busy working on their next PSA where a group of middle aged office employees don’t do their timesheets and are subsequently torn apart by wild dogs.

Kia Advertises New Sedan, Super Bowl Cancelled

Not exactly the news we wanted to hear with the big game just days away, but the Super Bowl has been cancelled after AgencySpy commenter “Fonzie” said it has “jumped the shark.”

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The comment came after watching the Kia Super Bowl spot “The Truth” by LA agency David & Goliath. The spot features Laurence Fishburne reprising his role as Morpheus from the 1999 science fiction action film The Matrix.

“Fonzie’s right,” said Chris Connelly, Managing Partner at Horizon Media. “After watching that spot, we all agree that there is absolutely no point in advertising during the most viewed television event of the year. Not that it really matters since they cancelled the fucking thing. Good riddance.”

“I mean, The Matrix? Seriously, what the fuck?” he added.

“Football is supposed to be cool,” said NFL spokesperson Brian McCarthy. “If people like ‘Fonzie’ don’t like the commercials, then fuck it. We’re shutting the fucking thing down.”

Over 111 million people were expected to watch the game.

Anonymous Tip: “Tits”

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We received an anonymous tip yesterday but held off on posting until we could confirm it. Y’know, because we’re responsible journalists and take these matters very seriously. Well it’s looking like the rumors are true, folks.

“Tits.” That’s it. Just “Tits.”

No word yet on whose tits we’re talking about, what about them there is to say, or what this could potentially mean for the industry, but here it is:

“Tits.”

Keep those tits — err, tips — coming, folks.

Commenter Offers Blowjobs To Entire Old Spice Team

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The AgencySpy comments section sunk to a new low Thursday afternoon when an anonymous commenter offered to fellate literally any person who contributed to the latest Old Spice work, “Interneterventions.”

The disjointed, punctuation-free comment started out, oddly enough, as a pointed criticism of the latest work, saying the campaign “has really gotten stale.” At that point, the commenter switched gears and did a complete 180, saying he was “just kidding” and that he would “fellate anyone who worked on this.”

Screen Shot 2014-01-23 at 2.49.22 PMThe offer could hypothetically extend to literally anyone who touched the campaign, including but by no means limited to strategists, media buyers, senior creatives, interns, account executives, and even clients.

These interns seem pretty stoked.
These interns seem pretty stoked.

No word yet on who, if anyone, has taken the commenter up on it, or if he (or she) is offering anything for women as well, but we’ll keep you posted. W+K was unavailable for comment, most likely because they are all busy getting their dicks sucked.