Commenter Offers Blowjobs To Entire Old Spice Team

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The AgencySpy comments section sunk to a new low Thursday afternoon when an anonymous commenter offered to fellate literally any person who contributed to the latest Old Spice work, “Interneterventions.”

The disjointed, punctuation-free comment started out, oddly enough, as a pointed criticism of the latest work, saying the campaign “has really gotten stale.” At that point, the commenter switched gears and did a complete 180, saying he was “just kidding” and that he would “fellate anyone who worked on this.”

Screen Shot 2014-01-23 at 2.49.22 PMThe offer could hypothetically extend to literally anyone who touched the campaign, including but by no means limited to strategists, media buyers, senior creatives, interns, account executives, and even clients.

These interns seem pretty stoked.
These interns seem pretty stoked.

No word yet on who, if anyone, has taken the commenter up on it, or if he (or she) is offering anything for women as well, but we’ll keep you posted. W+K was unavailable for comment, most likely because they are all busy getting their dicks sucked.

Commenter Realizes That Ads Lie, Brain Explodes

Flibberty Jib
Flibberty Jib

In a stunningly violent moment of epiphany, commenter Flibberty Jib’s brain exploded in the AgencySpy comments section today when he noticed that a branded communication contained something that was factually incorrect.

The commercial (or should we say “lie”) in question was this spot for Interstate Batteries by Dallas agency Firehouse. In it, we see a long-abandoned 1949 Studebacker Champion Starlight Coupe covered in weeds and vines. Although the car is overrun with vegetation its battery is still going strong, as evidenced by the song blasting from the radio. The commenter realized that no battery could possibly last that long, even one with a tagline like “Outrageously Dependable,” and “therefore, the commercial is a lie.”

He also called it “BS.”

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His brains were scattered throughout the comments section, leaving contributor Erik Oster to clean up the mess and AgencySpy to deal with a potential PR nightmare.

No word yet on who will be held responsible or what impact this could have on the industry, but it raises the concern that there might be other commercials that are lies out there, which could potentially cause more brains to explode in the future.

Flibberty Jib is survived by his wife, Flimminie Jib, and his two loving children, Timmity Jib and Jimmity Jib.

Jibbity flibbity.

AgencySpy Commenter Really Let Other Commenter Have It

knockedoutWe’re a little late on this one, but an AgencySpy commenter really let another commenter have it yesterday.

The bloodbath went down in a thread about a GIF award show, where commenter “CD Villneuve” kicked things off by really letting all kinds of people and companies have it including McGarryBowen London, techno-hipsters, post-Bogusky CP+B, and people who attempt to “harness grassroots internet culture.” But it wasn’t until commenter “Naysayer” jumped in to say that he actually liked the idea that things really got interesting.

And by “things really got interesting,” we mean “he really let him have it.”Screen Shot 2014-01-22 at 11.44.24 AMYou may remember “CD Villneuve” from other AS threads where he really let hipsters, prankvertising, responsive Twitter campaigns and SF agency Argonaut have it.

Commenter Confuses KFC Campaign With Fart

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Bad news this morning for Draftfcb Chicago as commenter “Navable” has confused their new campaign for KFC with a fart.
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The campaign, “How Do You KFC?,” is actually “a new movement celebrating the connection KFC fans have with the food” and not, in fact, a fart.

Creative Recruiter Hates Graffiti

A creative recruiter who hires junior creatives has taken to the comments section to let everyone know that he hates graffiti, particularly if it’s not cool or artistic.
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Posted in response to a project created by two students who are most likely not yet dead inside, the creative recruiter, “Mack Cornfield,” hates graffiti so much that he will do everything in his power to blacklist the students from the entire industry.

You may remember Mack Cornfield from that time he kicked a baby. He also did this.

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Guy Posts Comment, Portfolio Schools Close Forever

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How’s your week going? Okay? So-so? Kinda meh, but y’know, tomorrow’s Friday so whatever, things could be worse? You must not be in the ad school business, then, as commenter “The Old Man in the Mountain” has single-handedly taken down the portfolio school business model, dashing the hopes and dreams of hundreds of would-be creatives and burning millions of dollars in future ad school revenue in the process with a mere 34 words in the AgencySpy comments section.

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Posted in response to a student project that he wanted to criticize, the commenter offered up sage-like, almost ethereal words of wisdom for free that hundreds of future creatives would have paid tens of thousands of dollars to hear.

“This is really not good for us,” said Ron Seichrist, the now-ruined co-founder of Miami Ad School. “Luckily Pippa has her real estate license and I’m a registered notary public. So, y’know, we should be cool.”

“The Old Man In The Mountain? Fuck that guy,” said Norm Grey, Founder & ECD of Creative Circus. “Seriously,” he added. “Right in his fuckwad ass.”

No word yet from The Old Man In The Mountain or the Miami Ad School creatives in question, but we can only assume that this is the beginning of a long-lasting creative mentorship that will be professionally fulfilling for all parties involved for the foreseeable future.

Update: Turns out all you need is a print ad for toothpaste and a banner ad for spaghetti sauce.

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Commenter Sees Butterfinger Ad, Bleeds Out Of Eyeballs And Anus

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A bit of sad news to round out your Wednesday as commenter “Ed Lopernaukeriz” has died after watching an ad for new Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups.
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The ad featured a couple — peanut butter and chocolate — going for couples therapy before promising that “the relationship between chocolate and peanut butter is about to change.” It remains unclear as to why the commenter decided to post an AgencySpy comment about his imminent death rather than alerting the authorities, but you know how these ad people are.

Rest in peace, Ed Lopernaukeriz. We hardly knew ye.

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